The guys discuss The Last American Virgin. Topics include: hot bubblegum, lying about parties, a penis contest, stalking, how to get rid of crabs, and mostly, the surprise ending.
Gary sees Karen and decides to try out his best move…attempting to graze her breast as she shuffles past him.
Gary and Millie are gettin’ biz-ZAY on the couch. Gary struggles with her bra strap but ain’t nobody got time for that shit.
David thinks he’s getting in bed with a fly honey and tries to get his D wet but it’s actually Gary’s mom. Of course, this is storyline is an homage to the Shakespeare play “Is Thouest Asleep?”
This nerd gets caught peeping into the girls locker room and instead of immediately electing him class president they decide to give him shit. This is the Bizarro world of teen comedies.
The guys line up, one by one, and have a dick-off. This is actually what happened to all the immigrants at Ellis Island years ago. We made sure that only the most well-endowed men were accepted into the country which is why today, American men have the longest, most luxurious wieners.
Gary sabotages Karen’s bike so she is forced to get a ride to school with him, a pretty lame attempt to get close to her until later when he destroys every pair of her underwear except for one last pair that he sews onto his face.
David is having too good of a time and ends up taking an Irish Shower.
David and Gary root on their boy Rick as he lays down some pipe with lonely old woman. Back in the day, you used to get a merit badge for this kind of thing.
The old woman’s boyfriend comes home and David runs away like he’s being accused of sexual assault…again.
Rick and Gary steal the nerd’s car. Then they “crash” the car. But before they “crash” the car, they get some girls and try to bone them in the car. Then, they are all excited when they “crash” the car. It’s like that Holly Hunter movie from 20 years ago, Home for the Holidays.
Gary and David both went to a burner and are now dealing with serious cases of crotch rot.
Karen and Rick did the deed and now she is preggers. Somehow, this is NOT a deal breaker for Gary.
Gary sells his stereo to pay for Karen’s abortion, which apparently is being administered by Dr. Jack Kevorkian.
Gary goes to a party to see Karen and after all he’s done for her, he finds her back in Rick’s arms. She doesn’t even send him a “thank you (for the abortion)” letter.
Gary, crying, drives off a cliff (probably).